I’m not sure if this is the “appropriate” forum – but, on the other hand, it’s my blog darn it.
For the many if you who’ve said “let me know if I can help” – this is my official cry for help.
Here’s where we are:
The heart is a wee bit stronger because of dialysis. Output is better. Kidneys still crappy.
However, after an agonizing Saturday with a poopyhead hospitalist with zero bedside manner, and whose stupidity threw hubby into a full blown panic attack – I was able to corner both the cardiologist and nephrologist at the same time. That meeting of the minds resulted in this:
We’re bringing him home with palliative care not hospice (yet). Possibly as early as late today depending on how he does with dialysis. The nephrologist has put in orders for outpatient dialysis. The cardiologist said no more heart meds – it’s holding its own and any meds they’d give him would only further damage the kidneys. He said that he’ll more likely pass from kidney failure than from heart failure.
We’re meeting with the palliative/hospice people this afternoon and I’ll have a better grasp of what they can and can’t do.
He’s conversant, he’s aware, he’s relatively pain-free. He’s just horribly weak. But, he wants to come home. I’m going to move heaven and earth to make that happen.
He is not in denial. He knows he’s terminal and he’s accepted that. I have as well. His new goal is just to pass at home and, if possible, spend one more anniversary with me on the 26th.
That brings up a whole host of new problems.
#1. I have no clue how to transport him from home to the dialysis clinic.
Problem #2: I am pretty sure I’m going to get hit with huge bills from hospital and consulting docs. I have no clue what the co-pays for outpatient dialysis are. He wants to live as comfortably as he can for as long as he can and I’m bound and determined to not let money dictate how long he’s going to live.
Problem #3: He’s been in such not-great health for so long and really all of our “expendable” income has gone to co-pays and prescriptions – oh heck no we don’t have life insurance (or even burial insurance for that matter).
I’m lost. It’s bad enough that I’m losing him, but being put in an untenable position of being forced to lose him sooner is breaking my heart even more.
So – yes, help.
I’m open to suggestions. I’m determined not to run out of options. I just want to honor his wishes and do the right thing.
If anyone wants to hire a slightly snarky (okay, really snarky) redheaded blogger, I’m available.
All I can offer is my prayers.
Bless you both.